An Intricate Method For Murder

Why do I kill people in my sextoymurder series with, in polite terms, marital aids or adult novelty items? Why not. Weapons (guns, knives, ropes and bombs), as well as sharp objects have been utilized by authors to murder victims for years. In contrast, sex toys seemed rather fun.

I received my doctorate in 1996 from the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality in San Francisco. In conjunction with Doc Johnson, the leading manufacturer of sex toys in America, I wrote my doctoral project Sexual Enhancers: An Exploratory/Descriptive Study of the Use of Specific Sex Toys for Women, which gave me a wealth of information to draw from. Such as which toys are lethal enough to bump off the intended target.

Take for instance, my first murder weapon, the ever-popular vibrator. Now we all know that vibrators don’t kill by themselves. They must be operated by our nefarious bad guy. How he or she does this is what makes the story entertaining. Simply put, vibrators run on either electricity or batteries. Some have long cords with which to strangle the enemy. Or the vibe can be surreptitiously dropped into a victim’s bath water while she’s soaking her troubles away after a long day at work. Could be too that a particular vibrator is old or has a frayed cord. When inserted or caressed over a sensitive body part, the electrical current gaily coursing along the cord may cause death. Though this planned outcome could be uncertain if the intended is in good physical condition.

Dildos and penis shaped objects present another cool way to dispatch with a troublesome annoyance or that pesky business partner. Some dildos are equipped with an internal tube that run the length of the shaft. A bulb at the end can be filled with poison or possibly a substance that produces anaphylactic shock. When the dildo is inserted into a victim’s orifice and the bulb squeezed, well, a loss of heartbeat is sure to follow. Then we have the King Kong-sized dildos heavy enough to knock a victim silly. However, for a more dastardly means of death, incorporate one of the shiny steel or chrome models, especially if our enraged killer has the need to bludgeon their victim. Glass dildos work nicely if one wishes the vic to bleed out, but these elaborately designed playthings are so pretty, why waste them on slaughter?

The sex industry has also developed an array of neon-colored body paints. Fine art is always appreciated in murder. One can add a lethal mixture to the paint that either seeps into the skin or suffocates the individual when applied over the entire physique, creases and crevasses included. For those fifty and over, think of the movie Goldfinger. To reel in your quarry, pose as an artist and tender your services. Then with the elegance of the head butler at Buckingham Palace, brandish an expensive red sable brush. Most people would die for the attention. Of course, if you are overly selective in who is to pass on, other measures of deceit must be applied. Like posing as a lover.

In addition, there are fruity flavored lotions and massage oils. These tasty containers of delight, if one is into licking the fluid off another’s body, can be infused with a special toxin. Offer to relieve your prey’s stress with an hour-long rubdown, then rub him out. How delicious can it be?

More obvious death traps are the varied leather restraints, dog collars, harnesses, whips, ball gags and masks. So many for the murderous villain play with. Gags silence screams, wrist and ankle restraints confine, dog collars, if treated correctly, constrict, masks hide identity and gee, a whip can cause all sorts of injuries, some even fatal.

I can also appreciate the idea of a sex doll that suddenly becomes alive and wallops the snot out of the man who violates her. But let’s not stop there. There are other fertile grounds to investigate, such as the many machines on the market that mimic sex. One enterprising entrepreneur wickedly christened his, “The Jackhammer.”

Need I say more? But what the hell. Why not go all the way and design a killer robot that does all the dirty work for you?